Turn 1 News

Change of Venue

The following message is distributed a few days before the next Coven was due to take place at Bedivere Hall.

Owing to the disturbance caused to Bedivere Hall College by the influx of visitors at the most recent Coven held in their college, and complaints by Bedivere Fellows, the next Coven is to be held in the Magic Sphere Conference Room in the Hillside Theatre, Bristol.

We apologise for the inconvenience, although hope we can be at least as accommodating as Bedivere. We do, however, ask that those attending please submit to photographic identification as a means of security to prevent leaks to HMMR.

We thank you for your cooperation and look forward to seeing you here.

Johnson & Clark
The Magic Sphere

(OOC: “photographic identification” will take place during session and be used for pictures on bios, but you do not have to take part if you would rather not, we won't mind :) )

Midnight March devolves into May Riots

It started off as a peaceful protest organised by the Wytches, attended by hundreds of Wytches and non-Wytches alike. There were festivities, celebrations of magic use tolerated by the authorities, and great speeches, and everything was going so well until it reached midnight.

Things devolved quickly, and the story is not quite clear, but a number of the Wytches in the crowd answered HMMR's insistence that they returning home after the curfew with violence. Fires started, and HMMR responded in kind to increased magical attacks.

The damage caused to London and the area around Whitehall will cost millions to repair, and while it may seem that the march failed entirely, the opinions on Wytches have become increasingly split since the event. Many of those who were sitting on the fence have now come down on either side, pinning their colours to the mast and declaring their thoughts, making it easier in many ways to gauge the true public opinion on Wytches, although analysts suggest… (continued on page 2).

- The Sentinel

With such combustive instability in the heart of the nation's capital, foreign investors are holding back until they see which way the dust settles. Luxury exports are still trading strongly, however, and a City insider stated that he believed “all this Wytch nonsense will have blown over by Christmas.”

- The Fiscal Times

Now they're destroying London! Are Wytches a menace to us all? Are you safe in your own home? Turn to page 3 to find out what Lizzy, 19, thinks of these threats to her liberty!

- The Moon

Video taken at the #MidnightMarch shows institutional violence from HMMR. Shocking scenes - this shouldn't gain them more powers! [Link to video of HMMR agents knocking panicking protesters unconscious.]

- Tweet from celebrity Stephen Grill gaining thousands of retweets on Twitter.

HMMR Cracks Down After Riots

Following the damage caused by the atrocious riots started in London on 29th May by Wytches claiming to be “peacefully protesting” HMMR regulations, Grand Inquisitor Joseph Morton has announced that the government has authorised HMMR agents to escalate the weaponry used to combat aggression from Wytches. Measures now permit HMMR agents to utilise tasers, tear gas, and rubber bullets in combatting Wytches who do not cooperate with HMMR enquiries.

There are calls, though, for even further action. How, it has been asked, can the Government truly expect HMMR to defend itself from people capable of calling fire at will without authorising live fire.

“These people have the power to kill,” explained Peter Norris, MP, “and we are risking the lives of innocent Magical Regulator agents by sending them in unequipped to answer this threat. The witches [sic] have the advantage in this war and we have to answer in kind.”

- The Chronicle

The Wytching Hour - Bringing Real Magic To TV

Veteran TV producer and scriptwriter Frederick Dullcurry and his new venture, Firepit Productions, has recently received funding from the UKBC for the production of a pilot of a groundbreaking new series - the first drama series on TV to feature Wytches since the public revelation that magic was real and among us. Described by those involved with the project as “a big budget special effects drama about magic and its place in modern Britain”, it looks to be an exciting cross between Merlin, Luther and Sherlock, with a “moderate, non-judgemental” perspective that allows viewers to make their own decisions about the morality and motivations of the Hammer and Wytches.

Controversial politician Nigel Boris has decried this series as “a propaganda campaign” and “a ruddy waste of taxpayer's money”, and is particularly upset that it will take up the coveted primetime spot previously held for many years by Casualty. However, critically acclaimed indie film director Andy Susan has praised the series as “bold and brazen… a true reflection of life in post-Wytch Britain”.

The airing of this show, once finished, is sure to have a big impact on Norm-Wytch relations one way or another.

- The Moon

Flyers have been making the rounds between Wytches, advertising roles in this drama. “Wytches of all schools and talents needed for acting, consultant and stunt roles - special effects will be created using real magic for a more visually engrossing and realistic series. Please contact Frederick Dullcurry at Firepit Productions.

15 Ways Britain Is Persecuting Witches

You thought witchcraft was a rumour? Think again - it's real and live in Britain, but their government is arresting witches and wizards on the streets, throwing them in prison and even taking them out of their hospitals (is that free healthcare working well for them now? I think not). Below are 15 of the worst images of British Government atrocities against Wytches…

- Blurb from a FuzzStream article

Hippies Save Big Tree

And in other news, construction of a bypass has been put on hold thanks to protesters seeking to protect a tree known as “Merlin's Oak”. Numerous people turned up to an event organised on Twitter through the hashtag ”#SaveMerlinsOak” as well as organised by locals and many tied themselves to the tree as well as laying down in front of construction vehicles. Eventually, though, a legal loophole found by activists meant that the engines of the bulldozers were turned off for good and the tree saved.

- UKBC News

Trenchcoat Saunters Again

A Banksy piece in Cheltenham featuring several GCHQ officials tapping away has been topped by the latest Trenchcoat piece which features a painting of a person on a nearby rooftop holding the handbook of the NSA and peering at the Banksy piece through a pair of binoculars - the piece itself reflected in the lenses, which critics have tested and proven can indeed be seen from that exact spot.

Trenchcoat's signature of a rat in a trenchcoat leaning against a lamppost smoking can once again be seen nearby, making the piece worth thousands according to critics who are heralding Trenchcoat's work as a new era of street art.

Banksy has been unavailable for comment.

- The Daily Telegram

Royal London Hospital Patient Standards Slipping; Wytches To Blame?

The ability of one of the busiest hospitals in the country to cope with patient demands is falling, warn NHS executives. This comes as a result of the aggressive rebudgeting of local and central government funds towards policing the Wytch threat that has left hospitals strapped for cash, and forcing cutbacks on essential personnel.

“These constraints are an unfortunate but necessary consequence of the need to provide hardworking taxpayers with the everyday safety they deserve. It is simply not feasible to increase the deficit in these hard economic times”, said MP James Smith when asked for comment.

This has been a very stressful experience for staff at the hospital. One nurse was quoted as saying “it's heartbreaking working shifts in A&E and looking at a waiting room full of people, many in a great deal of pain, who might have to wait hours to be seen by such a small pool of staff”.

It seems that the Wytches once again have something to answer for.

The Chronicle

Magical Girl Squad Saves Cardiff

A team of young women dressed as superheroes were seen saving the whole of Cardiff from an evil terrorist plot this month, as they banged to rights a number of villainous individuals in the Millennium Building in the Welsh Capital. The girls, calling themselves “The Soul Sisters”, have been recently gaining fame on Twitter and gaining a popular fan base. Their legality is yet to be determined, with The Hammer refusing to comment, and the Government's Counter Terrorism Organisation embarrassingly silent on how they managed to miss such a large issue.

- The Comet

LIMITED TIME OFFER: "Alchemist's Fire"

Diablo Magic Supplies is proud to present the latest acquisition: bottled “Alchemist's Fire”. You may think you've seen this all before, but these are not explosive weapons - a bottle of this when poured on a substance will turn what it touches into pure gold!

This is still an experimental technology, and the bottles are small, but as ever offers for these items should be made to Mr Havenbrook in person.

(Diablo Magic Supplies take no responsibility for any embarrassment, disfigurement or other injury that may occur whilst using this product)

Murmurs from the Blogosphere

Some wytch related blog posts have been doing the rounds of the internet, the most popular of which being the libertarian defense of wytch rights by noted author of the blog “Free Minds” blog, “Randude”:

““Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains. And there are no laws more oppressive than the recently-revealed restrictions on Wytch freedom. No passports, no emigration, no running a business, no running for government office, no taking advantage of their natural talents to better themselves - as is every man's most basic right! This is the United Kingdom a land of freedom, not Commieland. And by denying Wytches their freedom, the Hammer deprives the rest of society of the bounties of their gifts - cheaper goods, wondrous cures, spectacular entertainment, even visions of the future. And for what? Well, it is clear now that the Hammer are nothing more than a gang of Looters - they plan to seize an unspecified list of Wytch goods, *no doubt* so they can use them to their own ends. Any right-minded citizen will see that the Hammer is a drain on society that would have this land wallow in mediocrity rather than live up to its glorious potential when the Wytches are allowed to work in all sectors of society, unbound by the chains of oligarchy.”

Closely followed in popularity is the response by left-wing blogger “TheHardiestBlogger”:

“Randude begins his argument by quoting Rousseau, but seems to fundamentally misunderstand the entire point. Rousseau lays out modern society as an environment of savagery and power, in which human society is corrupted and eventually destroyed by the endless striving for progress and power. Power creates power, and abuses power. Randude talks of “natural” talents, ignoring the structural circumstances that favour certain sections of society and allow them to abuse others. Randude is personally an example of this. He once owned one “Bishton Mine”. In his ownership of this property, he brutally repressed his workers, using his “natural talents” to dismiss their valid accusations of poor working conditions, poor representation and a dangerous lack of safety precautions. This came back to bite him, of course, along with (more significantly) a great deal of miners. The Bishton Mine disaster ended with the deaths of a dozen miners. So his accusations towards the Hammer, that they are a gang of “Looters” and restrictive to the lives of Wytches, seems to ring a little hypocritical, doesn’t it? I wonder how free those twelve dead miners feel these days. This was all covered up, of course, but I was there. To cover myself, so he doesn't sue me, I'm not going to mention his name here.” For the record, I am not an advocate of the Hammer’s latest actions, but this Libertarian argument is absurd and damaging.”


  • The scorch marks in the Magic Sphere HQ? A pyro broke in and did it. Bloody Pyros…
  • Shagasaurus Sex is at it again, wink wink, nudge nudge.
  • #savemerlinsoak
  • The Evocation Prodigy's finally gone Super Saiyan.
  • The march went well, then. Hammer's continued inability to find Herne the Red is proof of their ineffectiveness. You need a wytch to catch a wytch.
  • Follow @TheRealHMMR to stay one step ahead of the fools! #HailHammer
  • #burnFEAR
  • Cthulhu was spotted in Cardiff
  • Wytches are actually quite nice
  • Wytches are evil
  • The Prime Minister's a Wytch!
  • There's a Wytch controlling me
  • Oh, I get it, Wytches are just a metaphor for whatever's keeping us down!
  • Corporations are Wytches!
  • “A Wytch burned my homework” is the new favourite excuse in schools
  • #wytchesarenotdogs
  • Sainsbury's has been declared “Wytch-Free” by the Hammer.
  • #boycottsainsburys
  • The Daily Post: POST reader catches COUPLE going at it in PUBLIC park - but are WYTCHES secretly to blame?
news/1.txt · Last modified: Tue 6 May 2014, 16:31:42 UTC by gm_jamesw
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