Turn 2 News

Change of Venue

Due to a complete breach of security at the Hillside Theatre, the next Coven is to be hosted by Chester Ward of the Pyros, and will be held in the Phoenix Movement HQ in central London, just north of Oxford Circus. Attendees are advised to beware of increased HMMR presence following the recent attack on the SIS Building.

Importantly, the Croft Institute will be escorting Ms Sarah Tomes who was recently recovered from outside Glasgow, who will be present at the meeting.

"Merlin" Released

In the days before the Coven, amateur video footage surfaces online. Its source is unverified, and many on the Internet have been quick to call it fake. The video initially seems to show a family camping in the Forest of Dean…

Shaky amateur camera footage pans across the edge of the Forest of Dean in the late evening, before settling on a small tent at the edge of a camp site. A woman relaxes in a chair reading a newspaper, while in front of her a child plays. The camera operator speaks.

“Smile for the camera, sweetheart!”

The video continues for a while, showing a regular family camping holiday, when suddenly there is a large cracking noise, accompanied by a loud howl.

“What the- what's going on over there?”

The view spins around to look back out at the forest, with Merlin's Oak seen towering above all else. Suddenly, however, it is seen to collapse.

“Oh my g- honey, did you see that?”

A minute later, a glowing green figure appears, blurry on the camera, stepping out of the forest. The child can be heard screaming.

“What is that thing?! What the hell is that thing?!”

There's more screaming, and the figure appears to turn to look at the camera before advancing toward it.

“Oh god, oh god, it's coming this way, quick, move, move!”

The camera turns to run away, moving shaking as the holder clearly runs but soon a green mist catches up, with a rattling, raspy breath.

“Please, please no! Please no!!”

The camera turns around slightly, but the blurring hides a lot, but what is apparent is a deathly, skeletal figure before the camera holder screams, the camera drops and the footage cuts out.

- Uploaded to YouTube.com

Residents near Dean Forest are advised to evacuate the area after an unknown entity was released into the forest two days ago. Its intentions are unknown, but all interactions with it suggest it to be incredibly hostile and of magical origin. HMMR has yet to officially comment on the situation specifically, but has in the light of recent events reiterated its general advice on the dangers posed by magical entities to the general public.

- The Chronicle

Nitro Toasts SIS Building

Nitro, the alleged “Illusionist” has been revealed to be horrible Wytch-scum during his recent show in London, in which he stood atop the London Eye, supposedly part of some act, but proceeded to summon a lightning storm the size of which exceeds all on records, and struck the SIS Building further along the Thames, shorting the building, killing several inside.

HMMR has responded to this Wytch aggression by escalating their patrols. Raids on known Wytches are becoming more commonplace, and live fire has been authorised in extremis by Grand Inquisitor Joseph Morton.

The Magic Sphere denies all knowledge of this event, and Nitro is yet to be seen since the disaster. All that is certain is that the Wytches are yet to give in their reign of terror against the population of Britain.

- The Daily Post

Britain's Oldest Man, 115, Dies Suddenly

Kenneth Cooper, who was Britain's oldest living man at 115 years and 36 days of age, passed away suddenly yesterday. Mr. Cooper was a veteran of the Great War, and the first ever recipient of a pioneering heart valve bypass surgery in the late 1960s, was said to suddenly be talking animatedly one minute, and dead the next, in a death described by nursing home staff as “unusual and saddening”. Mr. Cooper leaves behind his five grandchildren and seven great grandchildren.

- The Daily Post

Fire at Hammer HQ

A blaze was brought under control at the Hammer HQ in Vauxhall last week. It is unclear as to the cause, although rumours are circulating that the fire began in the main server room. It is thought that the cooling systems failed, although HMMR are yet to give a press release.

Unusually, a sizeable explosion from the conflagration appears to have blown a hole in the side of the building, and a nearby road appears to have collapsed into the ground, revealing some sort of sinkhole beneath. It is unknown whether this is connected to the incident. Investigations are on-going.

- The Sentinel

Politicians Behaving Strangely

Political commentators have recently drawn attention to the strange behaviour of various major political figures. A number of cabinet, shadow-cabinet, and back-bench members have radically changed their political points of view very suddenly. Those who have been interviewed seem vaguely distracted and slightly confused when confronted with evidence of their sudden change.

Alan Pearson, the secretary of state, for instance, who has until recently been a supporter of HMMR and its operations radically changed positions - now pushing for massive deregulation. The Prime Minister has stated that Pearson's views do not reflect the feeling of the cabinet as a whole, and that he is merely “blue-sky thinking”, and goes on to affirm the government's support for the HMMR. On the other side of the bench, the shadow-chancellor is pushing for financial deregulation and trade, despite her previous commitment to a planned economy.

These unexpected political shake-ups have caused significant instabilities within both the government and the opposition, and according to recent polls are rapidly bringing down public faith in parliamentary politics and politicians as a whole.

Bear Grylls Arrested

Following evidence coming to light of Bear Grylls fuelling his successful career with magic to defraud the general population - including questions as to whether his demonstrations could lead people to risk their lives, believing they can accomplish what he can without knowing magic would be required - leading to a raid by HMMR agents on Bear's island home where he was arrested and brought to a HMMR location where he awaits trial. Questions are now being cast as to how many television figures are actually wytches, with talk of a HMMR spearhead to track down these individuals.

Up next on UKBC One: Ray Mears launches a new LIVE show…

- UKBC News

Horrific Deaths in Mornington Crescent

The Metropolitan Police confess they are “baffled” by the mysterious deaths of multiple men in the Underground station at Mornington Crescent. The men in their 20s, who were all wearing black jackets with 'F.E.A.R.' on them, were discovered dead on the station platform shortly after a small tremor collapsed the tunnel and short-circuited the power. Indications are that they died through horrific internal haemorrhaging, in a case that the police are describing as 'revolting.' An official post mortem will be held soon. Police are investigating links to organised crime and reviewing CCTV footage in the area. They have asked anyone with knowledge of 10 girls dressed in multi-coloured fancy dress to come forwards.

- The Chronicle

Diablo Arson Attack

Following an arson attack on Diablo's premises in the Charing Cross Underground Arcade, Jordan Havenbrook has announced that the shop will be moving to a new location in the next few weeks. He assures all that their orders will come through and that no permanent damage has been done to important stock, and that Diablo Magic Supplies is still very much up and running.

On offer from Diablo, as a special “moving house” promotion, is a very special piece of jewellery which Havenbrook claims will allow you to teleport objects up to five feet away - even through walls!

Carmarthen Town Frozen

In events coincident with the apparent collapse of Merlin's Oak, the Welsh town of Carmarthen has been found entirely frozen in thick ice, strongly suspected to be of magical origin. Rescue teams sent in to dig people out have reported no survivors, but also no fatalities - it seems that the entire population of the town has disappeared without a trace. Relatives of the missing find themselves in a fraught position, knowing not what the fate of their loved ones could be. Some hold out hope that they might reappear somewhere else, but others have pointed to an ancient prophecy dictating that the fall of Merlin's Oak will lead also to the fall of Carmathen Town.

Occuring mere days before the next Coven meeting, this is the latest in a series of high profile magical disasters to occur over the last month. HMMR has seized on this and other recent events as “clear evidence” of the “grave threat” posed by Wytches to the stability and safety of British society, with rumours abound that even greater powers and responsibilities have been invested in them by Government in response.

Piston Hurricane Pro-Wytch

Reb “The Piston Hurricane” Saint has given reporter Derek Smythe an exclusive interview in which he openly calls for support for Wytches and magic users across the country:

DS: So, Piston. Or should I call you The Hurricane?

PH: Heey dude, you can call me Reb, yeah.

D: Okay Reb. You're a pretty prominent figure in the UK sports circles these days, what do you think of the strange revelations of the last couple of months?

PH: Well, yeah, it's been pretty strange yeah. But let me tell you somethin dude. These “wytches” ain't nothin but another group of folks, yeah. Sure they've got POWER, but so has your friend Reb Saint, right here in his 24-inch pythons, yeah! Each and everyone of us has power, brother. You better remember that. And this is a shout out to all the little Hurricanes out there, you got the power brothers and sisters!

DS: Inspirational words indeed. What about the Hammer? Do the wytches need a body like the Hammer, or should they police themselves?

PH: Well, let me put it this way brother. No man, or woman, is an island - you gotta work together if you wanna go forward - you think I would have made it where I have without the support of all supporters of the Hurricane? All the people who believed in me, helped me train, cheered me on - they're the real heroes here brother. Now I ain't sayin that they don't need the Hammer, and ain't sayin that what the Hammer is doin right now is right - but you wanna prosper, you gotta fight together, yeah. I say they work together, yeah!

DS: Interesting, interesting. You're an ex-military man, do you think wytches might have use for the military and police?

PH: Hey, brother, that ain't a bad idea. You wanna let people feel like they're part of somethin, you put them in a position of trust, brother! Wytches are just people like us, yeah, they wanna fight for the people they love - just like the Piston Hurricane, and just like you I bet - so you let 'em. You make 'em feel like they're trusted, yeah!

DS: Well, thanks Reb. It's been a pleasure.

PH: Hey, don't mention it brother!

- excerpt from Oi! Magazine

New Site Identified for Tidal Energy Extraction

Investors are showing interest in developing a tidal stream turbine array in the Strait of Corryvreckan, after the mysterious disappearance of the whirlpool that used to be there. “We have to seize these opportunities,” said a spokeswoman for the Crown Estates. “We're not quite sure where the whirlpool went, but we've sent out surveying teams and confirm it's definitely not there any more. What is there, though, is a prime tidal resource with flow speeds up to 2m/s which could potentially supply electricity to up to 1000 homes.”

- The Fiscal Times

Shopping Centre Torched

A shopping centre near Charing Cross station has closed temporarily after a fire broke out under suspicious circumstances. A London Metropolitan Police constable commented that they are looking for a young woman of average height for questioning.

The fire, which has believed to be started in Diablo Magic Supplies, quickly spread to neighbouring shops in the arcade before firefighters could arrive on the scene. Any information on this incident is requested.

- The Moon

The Wytching Hour Preview: A Modern Miracle

In the film and television industry, which is noted for its high, spiralling budgets, long turnaround times and spectacular flops, Mr. Frederick Dullcurry and the talented people of Firepit Productions, a new player on the scene, have set a shining example of how TV should be done. The first episode, still in a rough state on the cutting room floor, reveals a cast of the biggest names in British acting, compelling and well written characters, and special effects that not only reach but surpass Hollywood's gold standard. Everyone with even a passing interest in TV drama should be anticipating the premiere of this series eagerly, for it is sure to break new ground.

- excerpt from the Radio Chronicle

Banksy Responds

A new piece by Banksy has recently come to light in Bristol, in which he pictures the iconic castle of Hogwarts from the Harry Potter series being knocked down by a wrecking ball (although it's been argued that it's simply a giant hammer). Meanwhile, Trenchcoat is suspected to have been responsible for some smaller works where “SLOW CHILDREN” markings on roads have been edited and replaced to say “SLOW GRAFFITI”, with a footprint and cigarette but painted onto the ground. Both of these works have been highly praised as ever by critics, although the Banksy piece has turned many heads, suggesting a potential turn in public opinion toward a pro-Wytch society.

- The Sentinel


The well-known artist Trenchcoat may have been spotted beside one of his artworks this week. Or is it her artworks? An instance of the “SLOW GRAFITTI” stencils which appeared on roads in Bristol was found sprouting beautiful flowers, and a woman at the scene ran away when confronted with people with cameras. Was this a further development of Trenchcoat's style, perhaps aborted by media intrusion?

- The Daily Telegram


  • Elderflower Cordial, man, it makes you trippin'!
  • Banksy is Trenchcoat.
  • People have GOT to stop farting on the tube. It's just rude.
  • What are the Royal Family doing about the Wytch threat, eh? Maybe it's time to go back to the days when the King was chosen through combat.
  • #ohgod
  • Benedict Cumberbatch is playing the villain in that new TV series
  • 43 Spells To Turn Your Boyfriend Into A Frog
  • Why are there so many PG films with horrific endings these days?
  • #itschasingme
news/2.txt · Last modified: Tue 13 May 2014, 14:18:50 UTC by gm_jamesc
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